Growing up we were very close to my Father's parents. We got together regularly, usually once a week for dinner, and always on Holidays. The weekly visits were usually on Wednesdays where we would have dinner at our house, some conversation, a bit of television watching, and of course coffee and cake. My Grandmother had a sweet tooth and yet never had a cavity (both qualities I have inherited from her).
My Mother's mother passed away at a very young age from cancer and her Father was mostly busy being himself so we never quite got close to him. My Mom and I both inherited our curls from her mother but I never got to meet her. I think that is why my Mom always made sure we were close to my Dad's parents and her Grandmother, who raised her and her sister after their mom had passed. We never thought of her Grandmother as our Great-Grandmother, we simply referred to her as Grandma. She was the only one we knew from that side of the family and even though she was more advanced in age, she did all the things a Grandmother would do with her Grandchildren. I don't remember exactly how old I was when she passed away, perhaps Junior High School age. I know she had a stroke which left her unable to speak or write but she still had her mind. It always seemed like she was very frustrated because she couldn't tell us what she wanted to. Most times you could tell she wanted to tell us something but shortly after, she suffered another stroke and it was too late.
My paternal Grandparents were a big part of our lives and I was lucky enough to be able to talk to my Grandmother at great lengths. I learned so much from her by learning about her. I learned how to cook and clean from both my Mother and from my Grandmother. Unfortunately, my Grandfather died of a heart attack when I was in high school and Grandma took it very hard. They had been together for so long, shared their lives and in the last years they were together almost all the time. They fought too, but you could always tell they were mostly joking around or just getting on each others' nerves. After he passed away, I started to go to my Grandmother's on the weekends to help her clean, cook, and keep her occupied. She always had pets and normally it was at least 2 dogs at any given time. She had a thing for stray animals as well as stray people. Her house was the center of it all.
They had started out living upstairs from my Grandfather's family but that apartment became too small for their family of five. Grandma was very proud to have her own house built on that same block. She wouldn't dream of moving too far from the family or the family business. They had an Italian bread bakery right there on the block and my Grandfather worked there with his father and brothers. Somehow over the years, Grandma became the leader of the family and was normally the one they all came to with their problems.
After my Grandfather passed away, the family began to notice she was getting a bit forgetful. She would forget things and then get argumentative, most likely because she was embarrassed about forgetting. In the beginning, we thought she was just suffering from the loss but it got worse over time. She could remember things from years before but not from the week before. When it was suggested that she see a doctor, she got very angry. She was never one to believe in doctors, she actually didn't really like them at all. Once we did get her to go, our fears were confirmed and then some. We found out that not only did she have an onset of Alzheimer's, she was also diagnosed with Parkinson's disease. The Alzheimer's had probably started while Grandpa was still around and we suspect he may have been helping her to cover it up.
A few days after the traumatic doctor's visit, Grandma fell in the middle of the night in the bathroom in her bedroom. The odd thing was, she hadn't used that bathroom for anything since Grandpa passed away. It was his bathroom and she couldn't bring herself to go in there. But for some reason, she was in there that day and the fall caused her to break her leg. After that everything progressed so fast. The Alzheimer's was causing her to think her daughters were her sisters and at times would think I was her father. Her perception of reality was blurred but her body also began to deteriorate rapidly. The Parkinson's made her joints stiff so that the longer she was immobile due to her broken leg, the harder it was getting to move her around. Physical therapists came daily to get her to move her arms and the good leg. Once the leg was healed, it became apparent that she wouldn't be the same ever again. I think a part of her had given up or the Alzheimer's was just so far progressed that she forgot how strong she was.
Doctors told the family that we were actually lucky she was immobile because if she were able to get around she would have been wandering off. Yeah, we were lucky. The constant sitting and lying in bed caused bed sores that were difficult to heal. They had to be cleaned out daily and at one point it was so bad, I think you could see bone. Communicating with her became worse so it was hard to tell if she was in pain or just yelling at us because she was frustrated. When she could speak, she would talk about seeing people that had long since passed. She would say Grandpa had been there and was going to take her away to dance again. Was this part of the disease or was she really seeing angels? We never knew. She did live over 7 years being bed ridden and then she started having trouble eating. There were times when I would visit that I would see the shine in her eyes like she recognized me. Sometimes she would hold my had so tight, I knew she was in there somewhere.
Then came the dreaded day when I got the phone call from my Aunt. I knew from the sound in her voice, Grandma was gone. At the moment all I could feel was sadness, loss, and greif. In time, I realized her suffering had ended but it is still hard not to miss someone you lose even 15 years later.
I share this story with you to show how Alzheimer's Disease can make a stranger out of someone you know and love. This took place over 15 years ago so you should know that there have been strides made in treatment and prevention of Alzheimer's but early detection is the best defense. As with all diseases, if you have a family history you should look for warning signs and see a doctor if you suspect something is not quite right. To learn more about Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease you can go to the following sites:
http://www.alz.org/index.asp
http://www.parkinson.org/
http://www.michaeljfox.org/
Knowledge is power, empower yourself. Support these organizations or any of the many out there. |